


Kishimoto's Redemption

by Kantayra



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-05
Updated: 2009-10-05
Packaged: 2017-10-19 01:53:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/195574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kantayra/pseuds/Kantayra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sixteen years from now, Naruto decides that he finally can't take it anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kishimoto's Redemption

**Author's Note:**

> Written for 1) kallysten's 32nd birthday, and 2) the prompt 'thirty-two' at writing_fest [here](http://community.livejournal.com/writing_fest/8531.html).

When Naruto turned thirty-two, he tracked Sasuke down to the Moss Country, tackled him to the ground, and announced, “That’s _it_! We’ve having sex right _now_ , bastard!”

Sasuke grunted. “What’s wrong with you now, moron?”

Naruto sputtered. “What’s _wrong_ with me? I’ve been waiting _thirty-two years_ for you to put out! That’s what’s wrong with me.”

“Idiot,” Sasuke grumbled. “You weren’t waiting when you were a baby.”

Naruto glared down at him. “Fine, whatever. The point is that we’ve had never-ending UST for _decades_ now. So hurry up and put out.”

Sasuke snorted, elbowed Naruto in the face, and scrambled out from under him. “I don’t care about that, but if you try to get in my way again, I _will_ fight you.” The Sharingan swirled in his eyes dangerously. Over the years, they’d developed not only those pretty flower petals, but also sparklies, dancing unicorns, and – if the light struck them _just_ right – some very suggestive images that looked like two ninjas doing each other in the naughty place.

The light was striking them right just now, or maybe Naruto just had the bluest balls in the world, because two ninjas doing each other in the naughty place was all he saw. “Oh, come on! It will only take, like, a day. And it’s my birthday, too! What can you _possibly_ have to do today that’s so important that we have to put off sexing each other up _again_?”

“I have to avenge the Uchiha Clan,” Sasuke insisted nobly.

“Again?” Naruto complained. “You’ve already killed Itachi, Danzou, Madara, Hanabi, the Tsuchikage, Gaara’s third cousin, the four-tailed demon, then went back in time to kill yo momma. Who on Earth do you _possibly_ have to blame _this_ time?”

Sasuke turned up his nose in distaste. “You don’t know _anything_ ,” he insisted. “The _real_ person responsible for the Uchiha Massacre was…”

Naruto winced in anticipation; this was going to be _stupid_ , he just knew it.

“Uchiha Megadouche!”

Naruto blinked.

“He’s the great, great ancestor of the Uchiha Clan,” Sasuke explained.

“Wasn’t that Madara?”

“Even further back,” Sasuke insisted. “All that time we thought we were fighting Madara, Megadouche was really running things.”

“Okay,” Naruto sighed, “this is stupid. So I’m just going to fuck you now.”

“Megadouche has the uber, super, ultra, shiny, magnificent Sharingan,” Sasuke explained. “I need at least three more arcs, consisting of about sixty issues each, to obtain a counterattack for this ultimate weapon.”

“You want to be on the top or the bottom?” Naruto asked, and pantsed him.

“Of course,” Sasuke considered, “in the animated version, there will be a filler arc between each of those regular arcs… It might take, say, one-hundred twenty episodes or so?”

Naruto grabbed his dick and started stroking. He nibbled on Sasuke’s neck as he did so. “Okay, fine, since you have no opinion, I’m on top.”

“And then there’s the actual battle against Megadouche himself… That’ll take forty episodes of actual content. And I’ll have to flash back to the Uchiha Clan Massacre every third episode, just in case I’ve forgotten what my twenty-year revenge kick was all about somehow… So that adds up to about fifty-five episodes for _that_ arc.”

Naruto peeled off Sasuke’s shirt, tossed it to the ground behind him, and then shoved Sasuke down on top of his fallen clothing. “It’s my _birthday_ ,” Naruto insisted.

“Then,” Sasuke concluded, “we’ll probably have to wander around _just missing_ each other in a hopeless attempt to drag things out. Expect another seventy or so episodes like that, where nothing really happens. With more filler.”

Naruto stripped off his own clothing and crawled on top of Sasuke. “Mmm, pretty…” He didn’t even bother trying to argue anymore.

“By that time,” Sasuke considered in between moans at the very delightful things Naruto was doing to the soft spot just behind his ear, “Akatsuki will have reformed again. We’ll probably have to kill them all. For the _sixth_ time. That’s at _least_ three-hundred episodes.”

Naruto slipped a knee between Sasuke’s thighs and situated himself comfortably between them. He found the special field-ration ninja lube in his fallen pants pocket and flicked the tube open.

“And then, finally, _we’ll_ have to fight, for reasons that don’t entirely make sense, except that it’s really hot every time we do. It should take about eighty episodes of the two of us getting absurdly close to each other and making hopelessly gay declarations, while slamming each other into hard objects. Roughly.” Sasuke licked his lips.

Naruto kissed them, and slipped two fingers inside of Sasuke. Sasuke writhed against him and moaned into his mouth.

“A-And then,” Sasuke panted when Naruto pulled away, “assuming yet _another_ Uchiha doesn’t turn out to be alive, who was actually responsible for the whole massacre, I guess we could have sex. By my calculations… How does Episode 5622 sound?”

“Hey, bastard?” Naruto lubed up his cock and lined it up.

“Hn?”

“How about _right fucking now_?” And he shoved it inside.

“ _Hn_!” Sasuke agreed in ecstasy.

Fortunately, this was like everything else in Naruto, so the buttsex dragged out to sixty-two episodes, with flashbacks every other episode or so, replaying when Sasuke wrapped his legs around Naruto’s waist and started screaming and biting Naruto’s shoulder. Also, the footage of Sasuke scratching his nails down Naruto’s back was repeated at least a dozen times. There were also two filler arcs, each spanning roughly fifteen episodes apiece, one of which featured Sasuke taking Naruto from behind on his hands and knees, and the second of which was just really slow tongue-kissing and cuddling, with close-ups of some rough grinding when things got _really_ steamy. And, of course, at the end of the arc, their orgasms were stretched out to a two-episode special that consisted of absolutely nothing but naked ninjas thrusting against each other and moaning in ecstasy while they screamed out each other’s names.

It was the one time when absolutely _no one_ objected to Kishimoto dragging things out unnecessarily long.


End file.
